Post by Caseybean on Jul 11, 2007 16:47:43 GMT -5
Listening to S.W.A.N.K. will seriously damage your life.
I first saw S.W.A.N.K. at a gig down my local, and quickly became addicted to their feisty lyrics spreading messages of urban regeneration and peace on earth. I was also impressed by how quickly they had achieved their Luton gay icon status.
But things started to go downhill as I found it more and more difficult to be bothered with real life, preferring to hide in my S.W.A.N.K-induced fantasy world. Constantly having their lyrics running through my head meant I soon lost my job - answering my boss' query as to why I'd missed a few days of work with "Skag addiction". The final "Oi Oi Oi" in her face saw me escorted from the building by the security guard.
Shortly after this we went through an unpleasant period with the neighbours - their constant accusations of fly-tipping really didn't warrant me smashing up their cars but in my defence the S.W.A.N.K. voices in my head told me to do it. I certainly don't think I deserve the ASBO which led to my eviction. My boyfriend finally left me after months of what he termed unnecessary abuse... At first I thought it was hearing "Was you born a useless fat tw*t, or did you have to work on that?" every day, which would wear anyone's self-esteem down, but he told me later it's because he was sick of me calling him Tony. Oh.
So having lost my job, my house and my boyfriend thanks to my S.W.A.N.K. addiction I now work the streets trying to raise money to afford the entrance fees to their numerous local gigs so I can lick their keyboards. A small consolation is the happiness I feel when being asked by a customer to 'Sit on my face! Open your legs...' It does brighten up an otherwise miserable 5 minutes. And Sparrow is now my pimp so I feel my new career is actually worthwhile. I couldn't say that when I was working at Inbev.
Anyway please heed my advice and don't listen to S.W.A.N.K or this sad tale may happen to you. They are an evil brain-washing cult masquerading as an alcoholic keyboard-playing duo. It's too late for me, but please, please save yourselves.